Communication – in conflicts and in parenting. The Morning Thing 8/23/16

On Tuesday’s show, we focused on communication in parenting and in the midst of conflicts.

Parenting is difficult, especially in the midst of fights and bickering.
We found some wonderful advice from author, Tara Ziegmont from www.FaithGateway.com

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Tara has 9 brave ways for kids to diffuse conflicts. Parents – these will be great tips that you can use for those teachable moments in the midst of conflict.

Nine Brave Ways For Kids to Diffuse Conflicts

  1. Remind kids that it is never okay to hurt someone else. Even when you’re angry. Even when you feel that someone else has hurt you. You still have to play by God’s rules, and be kind and do not harm others.
  2. Slowly count to 10 before reacting. Taking a few seconds before you respond to a situation is always a good idea.
  3. Listen to the other person’s side. In James 1:19, Jesus says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”  This isn’t the only place in the Bible where it talks about being slow to anger. Listening and finding out all the sides to the story is an important part of diffusing any conflict.
  4. Proverbs 15:1 says “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” It’s always a good idea to say you’re sorry – and mean it – when situations are tense. If there’s a conflict happening, you may have said or done something that deserves an apology. Be the first one to apologize.
  5. Tell how you feel, starting with the words “I feel…” It’s really important to use statements that begin with “I” instead of statements that begin with “you.”
  6. Walk away. There is great power and dignity in not responding to fruitless arguments. Help kids find their calm and encourage them to find some space when their emotions rise.
  7. Sometimes, you have to give in. No one likes this answer. It is never fun. But sometimes, it is necessary to let the other person have her way. Even when it seems unfair. Even when you don’t like it. Remember that Romans 12:21 says “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
  8. I think this is the ultimate act of bravery. In Colossians 3:13, Paul says, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” The Lord forgives us even though we are sinners. We need to forgive others even when they do things that hurt us.
  9. I think kids are much better about this than adults are. I know my kids can be fighting one minute, and then hugging the next minute. They get over things quickly. Leviticus 19:18 says “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.” Holding a grudge is a sin.

Click HERE to read the complete article from Tara Ziegmont.

The Morning Thing also shared 10 of the most powerful things parents can say to their kids. The Pew Research Center recently showed parents across America a list of 10 skills,  asking the question: “Which of these skills is most important for a child to get ahead in the world today?” The winner, by far, was communication. In fact, not only was it chosen as the most important; it beat out traditional favorites, such as reading, writing, teamwork and logic.

Paul Axtell is the author of the book, “Ten Powerful Things to Say to Your Kids: Creating the Relationship You Want with the Most Important People in Your Life”. In the book, Paul stresses that effective conversation—what you say, how you say it, when you say it—is one of the only tools parents have in creating lasting and meaningful relationships with their kids. He shared the 10 Most Powerful Things You Can Say to Your Kids on www.parenting.com

1. I like you.

This is a different statement from “I love you.” This statement says, “I like who you are as a person.” Use them both.

2. You’re a fast learner.

Learning is natural. Young children are amazing at it. Learning is play to them. What you say to them early influences how they relate to learning later in life, when it can be more difficult or frustrating.

3. Thank you.

Simple courtesies are a sign of respect. Social skills are critical in life, and the best training for tact and grace starts early.

4. How about we agree to…

This is about establishing a few basic agreements that set the stage for how you work together within the family. Having agreements in place helps avoid common issues and provides a framework within which to solve problems when they do arise.

5. Tell me more.

This is a request for your children to share their thoughts, feelings and ideas with you. It also involves learning to listen, which is always a gift because it signals that you care.

6. Let’s read.

Reading to your kids brings so many benefits. It helps them build skills they need for success in life. It enriches your relationship and instills a love of learning. And books provide a gateway to the world—people, places and ideas.

7. We all make mistakes.

Problems happen. No one is perfect. Dealing with problems and learning from mistakes are vital life skills. When you have a moment in which you don’t live up to your own standards, it’s an opportunity to show your children how to take responsibility for mistakes and move on. Kids can beat themselves up over not meeting your expectations or not being perfect. Giving each other a little room around this is a gift for both of you.

8. I’m sorry.

It’s something you can learn to say. Better yet, learn to catch yourself before saying something that might later require an apology.

9. What do you think?

Asking for input and giving kids a chance to be part of family conversations lets them learn to exercise their decision-making skills and begin to take responsibility for their choices. Expressing what you think and asking for what you want are fundamental skills that will serve your children throughout their lives.

10. Yes.

While I do think “no” is still a viable option at times, too often parents are “a ‘no’ waiting to happen.” If you create a pattern of “yes” in your family, you’ll find that “no” doesn’t need to be said as often as you think.

Click HERE to read the complete article from Paul Axtell.ut

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